Alan didn't just listen to music in the car with me. Most of the time, he forced all of us to listen to his music. Among other things, this did allow him to bond with Dad about a lot of the old music he used to listen to. Old albums, famous live performances, trivia about groups from back then, this was one thing that he truly loved to talk about with Dad.
Sometimes, people would ask me how Alan and I were brothers, perhaps not noticing the Asian in him. Or they would ask if Dad was my real dad. And I would explain that Dad raised both of us, and that even though they were technically my stepfather and half-brother, they were as real a family as any.
Our relationships underwent many permutations over the years. Before Alan was in the picture, Dad was working out of the home, and Mom was at work in the office. He and I spent the summers together, and he was the one I wanted to tuck me in at night. He was my Suzuki "mom" and my companion, and he was so patient with me and my endless inquisitiveness.
When Alan came along, Dad was still the parent at home more, but they seemed to have more traditional parental roles with him. Dad would sometimes take Alan on his team when we played games, and we would compete "brown hairs versus black hairs." Other times, it was parents versus kids.
When Alan started pulling away hard, Mom was working in New York. In many ways, it was Dad who was most immediately affected by it. He was the one back in Appleton with Alan, trying so hard to connect with him, try so hard to keep him out of trouble. The stress of this clearly took a toll on Dad. I remember Dad counting down the days until Alan turned 18 so that he wouldn't be legally responsible for him and his escapades any more.
So, when Alan lived with them in the Madison area after they all regrouped down there, it was touching to see them connect over music again. It gave them something to talk about other than Alan's struggles.
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