Alan loved film, and would always dig up films we hadn't even heard of, and watch them with us. In January 2014, we were in Galena, Illinois with Mom and Dad. We had driven there together and met them there, which involved driving along river bluffs shrouded in winter fog, and sometimes with very little traction. Isabelle was stranded in Canada due to the whole polar vortex thing.
While we sat around eating popcorn and beef jerky, we first watched a film made by Stanley Kubrick before he was big -- Fear and Desire. Skip it. It was horrible. Then, we watched The Fall, a movie by Tarsem (Singh). Here's the trailer:
The film is available on Netflix, and features Lee Pace, who went on to become more well known in Halt and Catch Fire, The Hobbit, and Guardians of the Galaxy. It's a visually stunning story in a story, told by a man, envisioned by a little girl. I highly recommend it.
As does the trailer, the film heavily features the second movement of Beethoven's Seventh Symphony. Alan and I both became temporarily obsessed with its overly melodramatic character and its mathematical layering of parts.
This musical animation of the movement shows how each new group of instruments comes in with the first line as the last moves onto the second before joining the texture of the background.
Riding in the car with Alan was the one setting where we seemed to have the most conversations. Sometimes, it was just about the music we were listening to, either his or mine. Other times, we talked about life (or Star Trek or anime or politics or school). These rides were one of the few times Alan was truly a captive audience, and he couldn't hole himself up in the basement or run off with friends. Oh, how I long for one more ride with him.
The last song I sang to Alan was, embarrassingly, Idiot Boyfriend from SNL way back when (song starts at about 1:13).
It was on a mixed CD that Laura Winterstein had made me to play in my Aquafresh-colored Saturn, and Alan and I loved to goof around and play it while I was driving. It came up as we were driving back from a comedy show -- definitely more on that later. I think I mentioned something that Jimmy Fallon had done on the Tonight Show recently. He told me he followed the Tonight Show pretty closely. He liked Jimmy's funny little skits, and especially liked the musical ones. He was thinking more like this one, where Jimmy impersonates Neil Young, and sings Sexy and I Know It with Bruce Springsteen.
I find myself wondering who is going to put up with my horrible falsetto now. Sometimes, it was hard to tell if Alan was listening, mainly because of the processing delay it took him before he would respond. But, it was clear to those who knew him best that he was actually a great listener. I felt at ease around him, even when he was clearly not at ease. I think he could have that effect on people.
While Alan maybe preferred Bob Dylan, in my book, it was Chopin that best mirrored his soul. He played quite a few pieces over the years, each seeming to reflect some different part of him.
Fantaisie-Impromptu
This was not his first Chopin piece, but perhaps the first he heard performed. A med school classmate, Linda Abcede, had come over to our house for Thanksgiving, and played it for my family beautifully, but accented with the occasional "oops, sorry" and topped off with an "I'm ruuuusty...." She was always far too humble. In his early piano-playing days, being able to play this piece was a goal he would strive hard to reach. When he was able to play it well, I promised him a game system. A computer game addiction in high school would interfere with that plan.
The piece is a show piece, and served as that for Alan as well as for Linda. He would whip it out to show he still had his "chops," which he amazingly never seemed to lose despite not having a piano since high school.
The piece itself is heavily based on Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, echoing its rolling arpeggios with the notes of the first giant tumble at 0:10 coming directly from the third movement of Beethoven. The structure and mood are similar, with two soul-searching sections sandwiching a tender middle section (though Chopin's tender middle section's melody at 1:12 always reminded me of "Thank Heavens for Little Girls" which is perhaps the most creepily pedophiliac song there is. Don't you think?). While Beethoven's piece arrived at its moniker due to a description of its sound evoking moonlight on a lake, Chopin's evokes more of a frantic struggle to stay afloat in the lake, while being repeatedly pulled down to its depths.
Regardless, mastering this piece marked a new level of piano performance for Alan. When he started playing it, he played like a child -- it was just a race to the finish. But over time, it became something deeper and infinitely more beautiful.
Nocturne op. 9 no. 1 in B flat minor
Of all his Chopin pieces, this is the one that Alan had in his youtube favorites playlist.
Unlike its more famous mate, Opus 9 number 2, which can be sweet, this nocturne seems to stay in the realm of melancholy. When it sounds sad, it sounds sad. When it sounds resolute, it sounds sad. It continues with the same relentless left hand pattern until the last two measures, where the piece resolves with a strangely peaceful Picardy third. This is quite apparent in Rubinstein's performance.
I wonder why Alan chose this piece for his playlist. Maybe it reflected his mood, with a full range of emotions, but somehow still always colored with an undertone of melancholy.
Étude Op. 10, No. 12 (Revolutionary)
Alan played this for his senior recital in high school.
For me, his performance of this piece demonstrated a maturity that I didn't know he had. Every pause had a reason. Every tempo or dynamic added to the impact. When he played this for me in the practice room at Lawrence before his recital, I told him I had no idea he could play like that. On a side note, he may have been stoned.
Waltz Op. 69 No. 1 in A flat (L'Adieu)
I have had this stuck in my head. To me, it seems a fitting farewell for my brother.
This classic recording in particular reminds me of how he used to play it. While it too is pervasively sad, there is hope and beauty in it.
